To Be A Deity
by redrupee
Summary: Black Star fights endlessly to surpass God, and Tsubaki is along for the ride, still smiling even as he drags her through the brambles behind him. 42 souls challenge with Black Star and Tsubaki.
1. Smear

AN: Biting off more than you can chew? What's that mean?

No, seriously, guys, it was bugging me that I was doing something for all the main weapons and meisters but THE GREAT BLACK STAR and super-sweet Tsubaki, so here I am, taking on 42_souls' table 2 as I... Probably shouldn't, in the form of oneshots.

This chapter was inspired by a subtle change in character I spotted in Tsubaki over the course of both the anime and the manga. OK LET'S DO THIS.

* * *

Black Star and Tsubaki Nakatsukasa were partners, and he fought through her with unrivaled and selfish passion.

She had been the way he channeled his greatest feelings from the start. When he was angry, she came down upon his foes amidst spray of blood. When he was upset, she was the lone voice that told him it was alright; when he was happy, she struggled to hold him down as he tried to share his joy with the world in his own special way. And when he took on tasks that he couldn't handle and ended up defeated and bitter and ready to try again (but harder next time, much harder), she merely wished him luck and offered herself to him, and she would give him advice birthed from her disapproval of his violence.

She was his weapon. His soul fit against hers like fated pieces of a two-part puzzle, and they resonated with a power born from affection and fear and a thirst for success, the cheap steroid of greed boosting his strength and will to fight. He would surpass God, and Tsubaki would remain by his side, he was sure, because she cared about him. As far as he was concerned, she was the only one whose opinion of him actually mattered. They had been together since their arrival at Shibusen, fighting and failing and never giving up, and she had a never-changing view of him - _you're a fool, a silly and strong fool, but that's how we work, so it's fine by me, Black Star _- and as long as he never changed and she never changed, they would still work just fine.

But she _had _changed, and he had changed her.

Yes, he fought through her - endlessly - only now she let him do as he pleased, slaying whomever he desired with no protest. In the beginning she would peer up at him from the blade with her eyes wide and her cheeks pale, advising him to _be careful, Black Star_, her principles radiating off of her in an infectious aura and influencing his every decision. But now she merely sat back, that same old disapproval now completely silenced. It was as if she had just given up, and he had driven her to that; he had forced her into silence because he wanted to do what he wanted to, and he had never outwardly taken her advice to heart. Essentially, he had shut her up.

He'd never wanted that.

He drove her into the enemy and wondered. If someone presented him with a wounded strong soul and a young witch now, would Tsubaki's disapproval reach him, or would she keep silent? Was she _really _still there keeping him from making mistakes and being truly ruthless, or had she placed too much blind faith into him? Was he making mistakes _right now _without realizing it? She told him that she would always believe in him, but it was always her body language and her soul itself that let him know when he wasn't being humane. She was his conscience, and now she was silent.

He glanced down at her. Her silvery visage smiled at him through the red on her blade, uttering a sincere _be careful, Black Star_, and he couldn't help but notice that the smear of blood made her look like a beautiful and helpless monster in his fists.


	2. Scrape

AN: I didn't forget about this! I just got hideously busy. OTL Thanks, life.

(you suck.)

* * *

Simple errors often caused the most grievous results. Black Star stumbled backwards as the aggressor withdrew and pressed a hand to his wound, glancing down to examine the damage closer now that there had been a momentary ceasefire. The enemy's blade had made its mark across his chest, a long, deep wound stretching across his skin and clothing in a stripe of stark red. Already his blood was spreading against his palm, turning a bright crimson as it fed on the fresh oxygen of the open air. The pain wasn't unbearable, and he'd been hurt like this before, but it was pain all the same, and it would certainly make things a bit more difficult.

"_Shit,_" he hissed through his clenched teeth, seething. Though both sides had sustained a substantial amount of injury, inflicting damage and _not _being hurt in the process was obviously his more preferred MO, and he was, simply put, _pissed _that he'd let his guard down.

"Black Star!" Tsubaki cried, looking up at him through the stout blade of the Ninjato that he clenched within his fist. Hearing her voice tugged him out of his fury and shock and into the realm of a serious situation. "Are you alright? You're bleeding!" He recognized the way in which she trembled - she shook like this whenever she considered turning human in order to help him in person - so he put on his bravest face and grinned from ear to ear to comfort her, braying a loud, short laugh.

"When am I not okay, Tsubaki?" He demanded as he tightened the hold he had on her, trying to communicate his fabricated confidence. She frowned at him in that sympathetic way that she had, the shaking of her soul still causing her hilt to shiver in his fingers. "Just barely got me, the bastard," he added, then hesitated, his eyes roaming the edge of the underbrush for signs of motion. Evidently his foe had fled in order to nurse its own wounds, which meant that it would be more vulnerable and easier to fight - this was the perfect time for an assassin to strike. Tsubaki's eyes dropped from his face to his stomach as he thought, and she looked positively _horrified _by the sight of the blood smeared over his fingers and his clothing, her breath catching with a whimper.

"Please, Black Star," she begged to him, her voice coming from some distant place, a place where she was a prisoner to her own fear. He couldn't remember the last time she'd sounded so terrified - but when was the last time he'd allowed himself to get so badly injured? "Please, we can't keep fighting like this! It's alright; it won't be the first mission we've failed. I'm not going to be angry with you!"

"I'm not worried about you being angry with me, Tsubaki," he replied bitterly, wiping his blood-bathed digits on his pants. "It's just a little scrape to a big guy like me. Stop overreacting."

"I'm not overreacting," she said in a softer tone. He could feel her warmth and worry radiating off of her like an aura. "Black Star, _please_, let's go back. I just..." She paused. "I have a bad feeling."

"You always have a bad feeling," he said, rolling his eyes to fight back the discontent blossoming within him. He hadn't caught a glimpse of their foe in a while - too long.

By the time the sound of rustling behind him had registered, it was too late for him to leap out of the line of fire. He spun on his heels and, acknowledging what little time he had, held Tsubaki's feeble Ninjato form out in front of him to block the attack. The blade of the Kishin-in-the-making was longer, sharper, and stronger than that of Tsubaki's weakest form, and as it came down on her he heard her issue a sharp cry, sparks spraying painfully in every which direction as the other weapon dragged slowly downwards. Black Star angled her so that the sword slipped and instead was forced towards the ground, and as their opponent attempted to regain its balance, the mortified assassin turned towards the forest and fled with his heart pounding somewhere within his throat.

"Are you alright?" He asked as he ran, and desperation edged into his tone when she didn't answer right away. She wasn't saying anything - why wasn't she saying anything? "Say something, Tsubaki." It was all too much to take in: The way that she had screamed, the ferocity of their foe's attack - and now she wasn't saying anything to him. There were naught but a few heartbeats of silence and he still lost his patience, falling victim to panic. "God dammit, _answer me_!"

"I'm fine," she replied faintly, and he held her up to his face and tilted her so that she peered up at him as he ran. Strands of her hair had been knocked loose by the blow, and a stream of blood was dripping from somewhere on the crown of her head, causing one of her eyes to squint shut in an attempt to keep it from getting in her eyes. The image reflected onto the little blade was enough to tell him that she was in pain, and after a moment of looking into her face, he came to realize that he had let her get hurt.

He was disgusted with himself.

"I'm fine," Tsubaki said again, her breaths light and uneven. She looked up at him pleadingly and searchingly, as if her eyes refused to focus. "Let's finish this." She paused to inhale deeply and shakily, her hilt no longer trembling but instead terrifyingly stationary. "Black Star," she nearly whispered in a tone of starved exhaustion, "we can get our first soul..."

But suddenly, he didn't care about his opponent's soul, or his studies, or - surprisingly - himself. For the first time, utterly unbeknownst to him, surpassing God was the farthest thing from his mind. He had let Tsubaki get hurt, and now she was bleeding, her fair skin even paler from the agony and the shock. Their souls were moving at different speeds now, too, and he felt as if she were drifting from him, unreachable but tantalizing. He realized then that she was trying not to faint - she was trying not to faint, trying to cling to her current form, just so he could taste victory for the first time.

"We're retreating," he said coldly, dropping her to his side so he could avoid the look of disappointment he knew was coming. He'd nearly forgotten that he'd been running, and now they were undeniably lost within the trees, it would be alright; all they needed to do was make it back to Shibusen. Then Tsubaki could get the attention she deserved - and he could learn exactly how badly he'd failed her.

"I'm fine," she said for the third time, but her voice was fading more and more with each passing moment. "It's just a scrape, right?"

"No, it's not," Black Star snapped. He didn't care if his own body was damaged, but if Tsubaki was injured... It was unacceptable. "It's alright, Tsubaki. Like you said - just another failing grade, right?"

Tsubaki fell silent, and Black Star was convinced that she had passed out after all. His own 'scrape' had begun to smart terribly due to all the mindless running he'd been doing, but it was easy enough to ignore; that same blade had given Tsubaki much more than just a nick, he knew that much.

She unexpectedly buzzed within his grip, snapping awake.

"How's _your_ scrape, Black Star?" She asked, forcing a smile that he couldn't see. He chose not to respond, instead thinking upon both of their injuries as he cradled his wounded stomach.

It wasn't a scrape to him, not anymore. And as his blood continued to seep through his fingers and Tsubaki struggled to stay awake in his fist, he figured that maybe even big people could be badly hurt every once in a while.

Now would be that once in a while. Now, and never again. From now on, they'd be scrapes, and scrapes they would remain.


End file.
